Jiu-Jitsu and Life: Dealing with Unmet Expectations

In this podcast episode, we took a deep dive into the essence of skill acquisition, using an armbar sequence as an example. After every class, I reflect. I don't stop until I find at least one thing I'm grateful for or that went well. Sometimes that lesson is found after weeks of frustration while others, it's found immediately. Such is life. This journey filled with patience, dedication, and acceptance of frustration that accompanies the process of learning any new skill and is analogous to the process of grappling with life's unmet expectations.

Skill Acquisition is mirrors the grief process

Skill acquisition is akin to a form of grief. It often involves a strong emotional response that calls us to a place of accepting the reality of what me must do. The desire to change and take action is necessary, and this responsibility lies solely with the individual. No one else can undertake this process for them. This concept was brought to the forefront during a recent jujitsu class, emphasizing how sport can be used to further our growth and strengthen our bodies and minds.

Skill acquisition contains a repeating cascade of emotion and response. In my podcast episode I used the process of incorporating and arm bar sequence from closed guard to highlight this process and it's four stages. Dedication, Patience, Frustration, and Acceptance. This cycle goes beyond the realm of jujitsu. It stands as a testament to the power of dedication, patience, and acceptance in our quest for growth.

Dedication

Dedication to a specific skill set, such as an armbar sequence, can help us recognize progress and increase our confidence in our abilities. It also highlights the importance of appropriately responding to the situations presented to us, rather than reacting out of anger or staying silent when our expectations are not met. Sure, it might be painful to discover you aren't the gifted freak athlete you hoped you were! But what does anger or retreat get you? Back where you started, another cutoff path lost to the overgrowth of "what could have been."

The process of mastering an armbar serves as a powerful metaphor for dealing with life's challenges. Life calls for dedication to get us started on any path. The dedication to do so is rooted in the story we tell, or choose to tell ourselves as well as the why we must proceed. Without this dedication and understanding of why we are venturing down a given path, we won't be ready when the storms of emotion come. But even those storms are integral parts of our journey towards personal growth and self-improvement.

Patience

The practice of Jiu-Jitsu, like other worthy pursuits, is not solely about physical strength and grit. We must learn to slow down and cultivate patience on the path. Jiu-Jitsu just happens to be a teacher that requires this from us or suffer the consequences. Being dedicated to anything requires patience for the journey to be sustainable. In patience we also find grace for ourselves.

With patience, we can take that flame of disappointment because we aren't a "natural" and let it burn off. With new clarity we can adjust our path. I call this process Pause, Pivot, Pursue. Patience is the virtue that allows us to pause. But, because we are human, this will eventually not be enough. Enter Frustration.

Frustration

Frustration is an emotion with a message, like all emotions. It's message is one that asks us to find, and allow in new information. It shouts, "Hey! What you're doing isn't working, so maybe look at it another way or ask for some help, please!"

In my example, I was close to executing the technique I was dedicated to, but once I felt I fully grasped it, and still couldn't execute it, I became frustrated! It felt like, "I'm doing everything I need to do and it still doesn't work?!?" Yes. It still didn't work, but I wasn't doing everything I needed to to. I needed to go back to the drawing board and learn.

So I reached out to my coach, found some videos, and I studied. Instead of pouting and trying to brute force my way through something that wasn't working, with an understanding of the language of emotions, I was able to listen and act. This moved me to acceptance.

Acceptance

There is relief when we hit acceptance. All that we've experienced since we first dedicated ourselves to a path settles in and integrates. I'm not a freak athlete. I'm going to have to work at this. If I keep working on this and keep learning addressing the mistakes, I will acquire and master this skill. Acceptance.

Acceptance leads us back to stage one. Dedication. Through acceptance we re-dedicate ourselves to the process of skill acquisition. It's important to note, like all cycles, we'll experience frustration again. We'll need to find patience and acceptance again. We must not be discouraged by this reality and instead embrace it. Know it.

The key takeaway from this episode is that progress, whether in jujitsu or life, is often a result of grappling with challenges, frustration, and unmet expectations. However, by embracing the process of dedication, patience, frustration, and acceptance, we can turn these hurdles into opportunities for personal growth and skill mastery. In the end, the journey towards mastering a skill or navigating life's complexities is a testament to the human spirit's resilience and adaptability.